A File of Ryan Pratt's Movie Reviews
And attention-span-sensitive advice to see-it, buy-it, rent-it, wait-for-it, or skip-it.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
White Christmas
Rent-it - A typical overly-cheerful classic Christmas story starring Bing Crosby in a Vermont cabin where the holidays are almost always blanketed in snow.
The Polar Express
Buy-it - The children's book is a better version of this Christmas story, but the animation was groundbreaking at the time, and if you want something to show off that new 3D TV when your family comes to visit these holidays this is probably the best ride.
Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
Rent-it - It is Black Christmas meets Bad Santa, a horror comedy that takes place on the eve of Christmas in northern Finland, where an 'archeological' dig has just unearthed the real Santa Claus.
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Rent-it - The third in the series of National Lampoon's "vacation" films starring Chevy Chase's Griswold family may very well be the best, and is certainly one of the top 10 Christmas movies ever made.
Labels:
Chevy Chase,
Christmas,
National Lampoons,
Rent-it,
sequel,
Trilogy
Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
Rent-it - Miracle on 34th Street is the quintessential heart-warming Christmas story that is even more touchingly beautiful in HD.
Kisses
Rent-it - An Irish film finally getting it's much deserved worldwide theatrical release, follows two kids who run away from home on Christmas and spend a night of "magic and terror" in the streets of Dublin (though I must admit, it's right up my "alley" - Irish, Christmas, magic, terror - not much more I could ask for).
It's a Wonderful Life
Buy-it - This classic holiday film is my mom's all-time favorite, and one of the only movies you can (and maybe already do) watch every year come Christmas time.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Rent-it - The animated version of the Grinch is the better of the two (the other being Jim Carrey's live-action version) and is a annual must watch come the holiday season.
Four Christmases
Skip-it - Not even Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn can sweeten this sour holiday comedy about an happily unmarried couple (not be confused with unhappily married couple) who desperately try to avoid spending Christmas with their families.
Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Skip-it - The perfect casting of Jim Carrey as the Grinch is the only "rentable" part of this film - but the visuals are rather stunning in HD.
Christmas Tale
Rent-it - A foreign film about an interesting and maddening French family during the holidays.
A Charlie Brown Christmas
Rent-it - Another classic Christmas film that you could catch on all the major networks post-Thanksgiving, but is worth a look on Blu-ray this year.
Year One
Rent-it - I didn't think this had a shot at beating The Hangover for the best comedy of the year, but Harold Ramis strikes comic gold again as Black and Cera's dynamic pairing nearly take down the three men and little baby reeking havoc in Vegas.
Yogi Bear
Skip-it - Whether you are on team Boo-Boo (voiced by Justin Timberlake) or team Yogi (voiced by Dan Aykroyd), the only thing more terrible and disappointing than Yogi Bear in theaters right now is The Tourist (voiced by the most monotonous, boring voice imaginable).
You Again
Skip-it - Kristen Bell will never look hotter than she does standing next to Jamie Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver in this less-than-average, run-of-the-mill chick flick.
You Don't Know Jack
Rent-it - Al Pacino is Dr. Jack Kevorkian, the man who aided the suicide attempts of over 100 terminally ill patients, and though this film won't change your mind on euthanasia, it is eye-opening nonetheless.
Youth in Revolt
Rent-it – Michael Cera's expected style and humor are transformed when his own character in the film takes on a "cooler" Holden Caufield-ish alter-ego to impress a girl named Sheeni who is the "object" of his desires.
9
Rent-it - Besides being unable to connect with these strange creatures, this film has everything you want in a movie, including some spectacular visuals that will have you showing off your 1080p Blu-ray to all your friends and family for weeks.
500 Days of Summer
Rent-it - Rarely do you find a romantic comedy that feels like it could actually happen to you, but 500 Days of Summer plays out like every relationship you've ever had; however, managing to remain completely intriguing along the way.
41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It
Skip-it - Skip this spoof of Judd Apatow comedies about an older virgin who attempts to "score" with some help from his horny friends.
2012
Skip-it - Even visually 2012 is nothing special, with effects like the things you saw in The Day After Tomorrow and even Independence Day.
2 Fast 2 Furious
Skip-it - Too terrible.
17 Again
Rent-it - The story has been done a hundred times before but never this well, and never this funny.
127 Hours
Rent-it - James Franco is the infamous outdoorsman Aron Ralston who famously got trapped under a boulder while on one of his solo adventures - and whether or not you know the ending you will be completely moved, shocked and thrilled by the finale.
12 Rounds
Skip-it - If you are looking for an onslaught of action you've found it. Hoping for a logical, interesting plot? The WWE has better storylines.
12 Monkeys
Rent-it - If Brad Pitt and Bruce Willis in their prime don't draw you in, the mind-blowing plot twists will.
12 Men of Christmas
Skip-it - Even if you are a die-hard Kristin Chenoweth fan and put your Christmas tree up the week before Macy's decorates their stores you will still not enjoy this holiday movie.
12
Rent-it - An adaptation of 12 Angry Men, this film follows a jury about to find a young boy guilty in the murder of his stepfather, a Russian military officer. However, one of the jurors votes in favor of acquittal.
[Rec] 2
Rent-it - A jolting horror film sequel blurring the lines between theatrical release, DVD-release, and video-on-demand release, that you can rent from $10+ right now on your home TV, or go see in theaters for likely less than that (unless you live in NY).
The Fisher King
Rent-it - Robin Williams and Jeff Bridges are a perfect balance of comedy and drama in this story about redemption.
Labels:
comedy,
drama,
dramcom,
Jeff Bridges,
Rent-it,
Robin Williams
Blue Velvet
Rent-it - This strange hallucinogenic thriller is a great movie about a bad story with Dennis Hopper as a sociopath in a world of sadomasochistic violence, corruption, drug abuse, crime and perversion.
Executive Decision
Rent-it - Kurt Russell, Halle Berry, John Leguizamo, and Oliver Platt are all on board and then Steven Seagal jumps ship just as this action adventure starts getting really interesting.
Gia
Skip-it - If you don't already know why you should rent or own this drama starring Angelina Jolie as a model willing to pose nude then -- oh, wait, I think I just told you.
Life in a Day
Rent-it - As a social media savvy cinephile this documentary may be my favorite of all-time, as it depicts the lives of 80,000 people who upload videos of themselves on July 24th 2010 to make an single incredible film created entirely by us - oh, and two award winning filmmakers.
13
Skip-it - This movie's cast includes Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, and Ray Liotta but it "stars" Sam Riley and that is just the first problem with the mysterama about gambling and thieving.
The Change-Up
Skip-it - Honestly, the only reason to see this comedy where Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman switch bodies (and typecasts) is to see Olivia Wilde's nude scene with CGI nipples.
Atlas Shrugged Part I
Skip-it - This first in a proposed trilogy (please, no) is an anti-capitalist, anti-industrialist, contradictory story about America's largest remaining railroad company is a low-budget, no-talent, eye-rolling disaster.
Killing Bono
Skip-it - This rock-music caper film is a mix of "Goodfellas" and "Almost Famous" but it falls somewhere between "White Chicks" and "Batman & Robin".
Tower Heist
Skip-it - Ben Stiller should go the way fellow unfunny co-star Eddie Murphy and dissappear from Hollywood for awhile because this story about a working stiff's revenge on Wall Street is as funny as #OWS.
Labels:
Ben Stiller,
comedy,
Eddie Murphy,
heist,
Skip-it
A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas
See-it - This raunchy sequel about the same two hilariously high friends plus a Neil Patrick Harris cameo will quickly find its way onto many annual must-watch holiday movie lists.
Hook
Buy-it - Steven Spielberg's version of the childhood tale of Peter Pan has been critically panned, but in my heart, and the eyes of many Millennials, Dustin Hoffman is Captain Hook, Julia Roberts is Tinkerbell, and Robin Williams will always be Peter Pan. Bangarang!
Scrooged
Rent-it - Bill Murray is Frank Cross, a modern-day Ebenezer Scroog-ish TV exec who hates the holidays. Scrooged is my second favorite version of the classic Dicken's Christmas tale (the Muppet's version is #1).
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan
Skip-it - This art house international drama with two parallel narratives is all cake and no icing.
Crazy, Stupid, Love
Rent-it - This typical romcom hodgepodge of a guy losing his perfect life but then bumping into her high school sweetheart is anything but typical and truly a hodgepodge of talented actors.
Cars 2
Rent-it - This is a rare summer sequel that is better than the first as Pixar's animated cars voiced by Owen Wilson and Larry The Cable Guy head overseas in a competition to be the world's fastest car.
Water for Elephants
Rent-it - Despite a completely unbelievable relationship between a stumbling-bumbling Robert Pattinson and honestly-still-looks-21-drop-dead-gorgeous Reese Witherspoon, Christoph Waltz is his usual multi-faceted villainous self, and Water for Elephants is an emotionally engaging romantic adventure about the world's greatest circus disaster that offers an intriguing peek under the big top.
Like Crazy
See-it - Finally a romantic drama (not comedy) that is as heartbreaking and intimate as a romance should be.
Anonymous
Skip-it - Another interesting premise, and one that's been debated for ages -- who actually created the body of work credited to William Shakespeare? -- but it tries to hard to persuade and quickly forgets to entertain.
The Rum Diary
Skip-it - It's not what you'd expect from Johnny Depp in another Hunter S. Thompson film-adaptation -- and it's as boring as a film about Puerto Rican rum could possibly be.
In Time
See-it - This well-crafted premise starring a handful of good-looking "25-year-olds" delivers in every genre -- romance, mystery, suspense, fantasy, comedy, action and adventure -- and it's full of clever time-related puns too.
Puss in Boots
Skip-it - It's too bad this isn't a film about Donkey because then I could recommend it for being funny and funny alone, because it certainly isn't that or anything more than a cute cat wearing boots.
The Conversation
Rent-it - This highly-paranoid 1974 film from Francis Ford Coppola stars Gene Hackman as a very private man and sound surveillance expert who's hired to invade people's private lives by listening in on their conversations.
Jurassic Park Ultimate Trilogy
Buy-it - This awe-inpsiring special-effects trilogy about dinosaurs living amongst humans in the 20th century gets progressively worse with each film, but the first is so utterly stunning (especially on Blu-ray) it justifies purchasing all 3 and having a "Back to Jurassic" movie marathon.
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Rent-it - Tinker Tailor is full of thrilling twists and a handful of recognizable faces (Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Mark Strong, and Tom Hardy) who star in this myterama about British spy during the Cold War.
Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings
Skip-it - If you can resist not watching this mindless horror movie please do -- otherwise you might actually enjoy this ridiculous fourth film.
Shaolin
Rent-it - This film about feuding warlords and Shaolin monks is more of an epic drama than an kung-fu action-adventure, but the handful of hand-to-hand fight scenes are spectacular and the big-budget cinematography is beautiful. It's no 13 Assassins though.
Attack the Block
Rent-it - If you liked Hot Fuzz or Shaun of the Dead you will love this British sci-fi spoof about a group of inner-city kids who go to war with aliens.
Winnie the Pooh
Rent-it - I'm not just saying this because my sister read every Winnie the Pooh story to me as a kid, Winnie the Pooh truly is a sweet and nostalgic family treat - it is a perfectly short family film for children (which Harry Potter is not!)
Captain America: The First Avenger
Rent-it - Marvel comics has a third great superhero film of the year with this pleasantly nostalgic, good-ole-fashioned, action adventure film starring Chris Evans as the first Avenger.
Margin Call
See-it if you can - This fictional mystery covering a 24-hour period at an investment firm during the early stages of the financial crisis of 2008 is solid and smart and full of stars (Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany, Jeremy Irons, Zachary Quinto, and Simon Baker aka The Mentalist).
Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey
Rent-it - This documentary about the creator of Sesame Street's puppet Elmo is an inspiring story of creativity and persistence that would warm the heart of even the grouchiest trashcan occupant.
Martha Marcy May Marlene
Rent-it - The unknown and younger Olsen sister is brilliant in her riveting breakthrough performance as Martha Marcy May Marlene, a young woman who "successfully" flees from a cult and its charismatic leader.
Johnny English Reborn
Skip-it - Unless you are a die-hard Mr. Bean fan (which is a whole other issue) you will think this Rowan Atkinson spy comedy is painfully unfunny.
The Mighty Macs
Skip-it - I never thought I could recommend watching the WNBA but it truly is more entertaining than this formulaic Cinderella sports story about the 1971-72 Immaculata College women's basketball team.
The Three Musketeers
Skip-it - At first I was wondering if the marketers at Summit Entertainment were purposely not mentioning Orlando Bloom, Milla Jovovich, and Christoph Waltz's names in the trailer because they were no longer box office attracting names (which was shocking to me), but now I presume those three stars did everything they could to disassociate themselves from this god-awful re-telling of Alexandre Dumas' classic action-adventure tale.
Paranormal Activity 3
See-it - This haunted-house-slash-demonic-possession prequel is the best scary movie of the year, and the directing duo from Catfish brings a fresh, sharp, much-needed jolt to PA3 that makes it worth seeing whether you're a PA-virgin or not.
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